I'm Back With A Vengeance

Alright, I'm back. It's been such a crazy week and a half. I'm going to spew quite a bit of crap out. If it appears that I am jumping around like an epileptic at a square dance, I apologise in advance.

Let me begin by thanking all of you for the concern and kind words. I greatly appreciate it.

In brief summary of last week, my Grandfather died. Sad news yes, but it didn't bring me to any form of incapacitation. I had only seen him a few times in the last twenty years. I'll save my childhood memories for a later post. No funeral was planned just a memorial. I have not, an most likely will not be invited. I will remember him and celebrate his life privately in my own way.

In the days after his death I found myself putting a great deal of thought in the whole "Death" thing. In my mind I actually constructed a great blog post about the subject. I wrote it, read it, edited it, and re-wrote it several times in my head. It was amazing. When the time came to transfer the words from the grey matter to the computer, it occurred to me. It was pretty fucking bleak and dark. Well written yes, but frankly it was depressing as hell. So, I elected to keep it up top. Maybe someday I will let it out. For now. . . .I'll wait.


With all of my introspective assessment and vain attempts at self analyzation I have not found the key to happiness. I did find an old rusty lock where the fucking thing must go, but *hmmmpph*, no damn key. . . .I'll keep looking.

Last week I outed myself a bit. I was in a strange mood and needed to give some of me, to all of you. I have been considering it for quite some time. To tell you the truth, my job will provide a lot of entertaining material for the blog. I also rambled about my pre-blog research. I'm weird like that. I like to know about "things" before I commit involvement. So if I sound like a wacko for reading "Blogging for Beginners" lists. . . . Take a good look at this. . . .

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, outing myself and "honesty". My decision to use a pseudo name was simple. Anonymity is essential for my career. Besides I think there is something kinda cool about the whole superhero "other" name thing. By the way, the answer is "No"! I don't have bright red body suit with a fire hydrant blazoned across my chest; fucking smart ass. . . . . .

It's actually black with a big "J".

Considering that my "family" has all but vanished. Save the intermittent "Hey, guess who died" call. Here is the "major change" I have decided to pursue. I am going to change my last name. Not my fake Superhero last name, but my real life last name. Having no real connection to the "Wacko Clan", I'm going to drop the Fuckerville Step Dad name in lieu of my biological fathers surname. Mrs. T is ecstatic since she hates the "Now" name and loves the "Birth" name. A new life starting with my old name. I feel good about it.

Anyway campers, it's nice to be back. See you all again tomorrow night. I'll catch up on all of your blogs around lunchtime.

Jake

A Bit Of Honesty.

I was inspired to begin my personal blog after reading one created by an old friend. Prior to embarking on my blogging journey I did quite a bit of reading to learn more about the process and to gain some sort of insight into what makes a successful blog. In my research I found a list of suggestions that one woman had created to help out the new blogger. Although I would love to give her due credit, I have lost both the list and the link to her website.

One of the bullet point suggestions was to NOT use your real name. Her thought was that in order to have a truly honest blog, that is "real", many beginners find it helpful to create a persona or nickname that becomes there blogging identity. Strange really, the idea that you had to somehow be "dishonest" in order to be honest. But I did again see some logic to her idea. In addition she suggested that you tell none of your close friends or relatives until you have established a voice and audience. Again, her theory is that people filter and water down what they write out of fear of what people they know will think or feel. Again, sounds like a great suggestion.

So when I went about creating this blog, I took her advise on several points. I picked a name that fits who I am as a person and in fact gave a clue as to my profession of choice. Not knowing how protective to be of my identity, I had chosen to not come out an reveal what I do for a living. But with yesterdays post I felt it was important (in order properly convey that moment in my life) that I reveal a bit of me. I am a firefighter. The "Branch" is my station and the "Company" is the city I serve.

I have yet to reveal my blog to family and friends. I don't believe that will happen anytime soon. In addition I kind of like the whole Jake thing. Because trust me, my real name is really really generic. As a matter of fact if I was a can of beer, I would just be a plain white can with my first name in bold black letters. (Plus I would be flat and most likely leave a bad taste in your mouth). So please still think of me as Jake, the confused 40 year old fireman from California.

As far as the Grandfather events of the last few days. I have quite a bit to think about before I write about it. I am leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. I will post again on Tuesday.

Take care,

Jake

p.s. She also suggested that you cuss alot. I fucking loved that one!