Monkeys, thumbs, and de-evolution.

I like monkeys. I think that monkeys are pretty cool. Over the past two years or so I have been exposed to monkeys more often than the previous several years. Here are some of the reasons; that I feel, being a monkey would be cool.

Reason number one: Sleeping. Monkeys sleep a lot. I would assume it's because they don't have jobs or alarm clocks. I have both and never seem to get enough sleep.

Reason number two: Public ball scratching, public pissing, and public masturbation. I know what you’re going to say “Jake nothing is preventing you from doing that as a person." Your right, but my point is that people have hang ups about these acts and monkeys don't give a fuck!

And finally the third and in my opinion the greatest reason that being a monkey would rule. . . . . you get to throw shit at people when they piss you off or invade you space. Again, "people do that also Jake!" My retort, only if you’re up state doing time in the local penitentiary. Well, I'm not willing to be someone’s cell bitch just so I can enjoy a little turd tossing.

Upon looking at this idea in more depth I actually believe the problem is "opposing digits!" Yes folks we have thumbs, and it's fucked everything up. Track back any human shortcoming or flaw and ultimately you will wind up blaming it on our fucking thumbs. So really, maybe we de-evolved and the monkey's are above us on the evolutionary chain. Now don't get all snippy and pissed at me. Don't pull out the "our brains are bigger and more advance" crap. Watch 5 minutes of any Jerry Springer show or Jim Carey movie and that theory gets shot right the fuck down!
Jake