Well Hello There!!!

O.K. three weeks is enough, I know! These last few weeks truly have me stumped. One would think that with everything going on in the world that I could muster some inspiration to write. Not so! I have wanted to write about a ton of subjects but have been unable to piece more than two words together. "Fuck It" is the extent of my creativity. So let me throw out some random shit and see where it takes me.

1. I saw Lewis Black in concert. He said "Fuck" or one of its many off shoots, 257 times. It was fucking brilliant.


2. Women's beach volleyball is my new favorite sport. Well, at least until football season starts. (I haven't totally lost my mind.)


3. When did Ping Pong and Badminton become sports and Baseball and Softball not? Have the Olympic Muckity Mucks lost there fucking minds?


4. Horse doping in the Olympics??? What's next, a corked balance beam scandal?


5. When you tell a cab driver the address that you need to get to, they should never say "I am not knowing where dat iz!" Look, there's a thing called GPS, buy one!


6. How did McCain score a milf with such bad teeth?


7. My brother is still a dick.


8. This is the most honest obituary. . . . . . . ever!

My neck hurts, I'll see you all tomorrow.

Jake

Good Job!!!

"Yes, my dick is this big."

What the hell was Eliot Spitzer thinking?

Well, OK. . .I know what he was thinking. . .

I imagine their first meeting went something like this. . .

Spitzer: Your very beautiful, what's your name?

Dupre: Alexandra

Spitzer: Well Alexandra, would you have sex with me for say. . . .a million dollars?

Dupre: Well of course I would.

Spitzer: Great, let's go! (handing her a $5.00 spot)

Dupre: What's this? (taking said $5.00 spot)

Spitzer: I'm paying you to have sex with me.

Dupre: Five dollars, what kind of girl do you think I am?

Spitzer: Well I think that we have already determined that, now we're just negotiating the price.

I mean really, $4000?????? Dude, you're an idiot. And to drag your poor wife up to the podium for your little "press conference." WEEAAKKK. I have all the sympathies for your family. Hell, I don't even blame Ms. Dupre' for all of this B.S. The folks in New Jersey are much better off. If it turns out that you paying for your little sex-capades out of the state coffers, they should lock you up!

Sorry if this is a little harsh. But with the current condition of our country and the economy, leaders should be held to a higher standard. Homes are foreclosing at an alarming rate and this guys is buying $4k poon. WTF!!! Hey dickwad! Does "glass houses and stones" ring a bell?

Spam heros.

Today alone, 79 emails arrived in my bulk emailbox. Looking through them I learned ten very important things about myself. Let me share them with you.

1. My penis is too small.

2. My penis no longer gets hard.

3. I suffer a great deal of pain.

4. I cum to fast.

5. There is an online pharmacy that will take care of numbers 1-4. (No physical required!!!)

6. I need a new watch and apparently a replica will do just fine.

7. My shoes aren't worth a shit, but never fear because Johnny Arelene can get me new designer ones for 60% off. Thanks Johnny!!!

8. There are aggressive stock traders hunting me down and I should beware.

9. My mortgage sucks.

10. Nembe'; a close friend in Africa that I wasn't aware of, wants to share a $100,000 inheritance with me if I pay a $100 transfer fee for him.

I love the internet. Where would I be in life if all of these fine individuals weren’t looking out for me?