Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Shark Week

As you might Imagine Bucky and Gordo have much different taste in television shows than I do. They tend to watch shows containing war, race cars, and asshole right wing news broadcasters. Last night at the firehouse I found myself watching a "Shark Week" show on the Discovery Channel with said half witted co-workers. Now on this program the apparently intelligent shark gurus were trying to figure out how to make sharks attack them. I know! Stick with me on this. They were doing this by getting in the water and doing shit to entice the sharks to attack. Things like wave a dead fish on a spear, pretend to be a seal, and float around on a surfboard and splash. Yeah, these are the experts! I was dumbfounded as to why the fuck these nimrods were doing this. You don't see bomb squad guys doing shit to see what it takes to blow there hand off do you? I assume in any case there is a logical sequence of events that would lead someone to form a reasonable idea as to what causes bad shit to happen. You don't need to prove to me that sharks like a bloody leg and that an M80 will blow your nuts off! Then it got really strange. At the end of a commercial break as the show was about to start, a voice said the following.

"These are highly trained professionals do not attempt this at home."

WTF? Is it a nation wide epidemic that folks are keeping great white sharks in there back yard? Look numbnuts If sharks are knocking on my front door like some 1970's Saturday Night Live re-run then I have bigger things to worry about.

Like maybe the fact that the Pacific Ocean moved a mile and a half inland. The only thing that I learned by watching that show is that either the folks at the Discovery Channel are idiots, or that they think we are. Then I looked over and saw the wonder twins totally captivated with there mouths hanging open. You could have walked over and kicked them in the head and they would have been oblivious. Maybe I shouldn't second guess the marketing guys at the network after all.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Beach Day

Today is Beach / Beer day. Enjoy your weekend everyone.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Apathetic; Adj. Ap-a-thet-ic
  1. Having or showing little or no emotion: apathetic behavior.
  2. Not interested or concerned; indifferent or unresponsive: an apathetic audience.
  3. Also see Jakeathetic...

Welcome to my reality. This is the funk that I find myself in. It has been twelve days since my last post. Each day that has gone by I have told myself to get on and write. But strangely I have had no energy to do much of anything. Work has been extremely busy. I think that that has been the greatest contributor to my exhaustion. Add to that the classes that I have been taking and the fact that I am a husband, dad, gardener, mechanic, handy man, drink maker, cook, and over all house man-whore. Understandably I have become a completely lethargic couch turd. I have lost touch with current events, sports, my blog mates, and reality TV. For fucks sake I haven’t had the time or energy to drink beer! How fucking pathetic can a guy be? Maybe there is something to be said for “Crank” after all. Because I’ll tell you one thing if I have one more cup from Starbucks, it’s going to eat a four-inch hole in the bottom of my stomach. Which will really suck because I’m sure that I will be too lazy to get my ass out of bed to go to the E.R. I took this photograph on the fourth of July.

Clearly Harry has more motivation than I do. Hell, look at the work he put into his sign! Two color print on custom stock. He even did a spell check for Christ’s sake! “Woe is me. The homeless have become more productive than I.” WTF!!! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to roll over. I’d hate to get a recliner sore on my ass.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

I'm Beat

Happy weekend everyone. Goodnight.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Words. . .

Words can be powerful. The more that I write the more I believe this. A few days ago in casual conversation, a guy that I know (not a friend might I add) used a word disparaging African Americans. I was shocked. The look that I gave him must have spoken volumes. I’m sure that my turning and walking away gave him a clue as well. A short time later he approached me and said the following…

“You know, that wasn’t right of me to say that. I should have used “N-word “ instead of actually saying the word.”

“You’re an idiot!” was my response. And I again walked away.

This whole interaction really got me thinking. As I see it, substituting an abbreviation or another word for an offensive statement is fucking stupid. It does absolutely nothing to remove the hate or ignorance from the original utterance.

We need to change people’s way of thinking, not their vocabulary. Frankly I hate the word itself and any lame attempt to soften it or make a PC substitution. Am I off base here? Maybe I need a Prozac regime?

I mean WTF??? I’ve never said…

“…What was that Wetback thinking? Oh sorry, I should have said, “W-word.” But it’s OK, I have friends who are Mexican.”

See, it’s fucking stupid. No other word that is offensive to rational people gets this letter substitution bullshit! Why? Because it's complete idiocy!

Gay men and Lesbians aren’t “Q-words and D-words” they are people.
Asian people aren’t “G-words” they are human.
White people aren’t “C-words”. . .
Irish people aren’t “M-words”. . .
Polish people aren’t “W-words”. . .
Women aren’t “B-words or H-words”. . .

And please don't assume that I am downplaying bigotry towards those groups because I am not. Hatred is hatred it's as simple as that.

The poet Gordon Sumner said it well.

I don't want to bring a sour note
Remember this before you vote
We can all sink or we all float
'Cos we're all in the same big boat

One world is enough
For all of us

So, to all of you short minded people out there weather you are in bread, ignorant, or just and idiot…(sorry, maybe I should have used the “I-word”. . .)

Go “F-word” yourself!!!

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Family's like him...

The School Board likes him...

Kids fucking love him!!!!!


Green keepers...





The English...

and the French....

*Snip* *buzzzzzzzzz* *snip*

Thursday, July 3, 2008

You Don't Have to Go Home, But You Can't Stay Here!!!

I'd like to begin by thanking Jeff for reminding me. Yes everyone, the state of California is officially closed until further notice. All routes into and out of the state are impassable*. In the event that you made reservations let me extend to you a heart felt apology. Nebraska and Arkansas have gone on record and said that they will help out any wayward traveler and honor reservations on California's behalf. This is an unfortunate occurrence but unavoidable. As many of you have read or seen in the news, 18 trillion acres of the state are currently on fire. The last thing we need is out of state lookie loos clogging the 5 freeway. In addition Gavin Newsom is exploring the idea of running for Governor in 2010. It is essential that the state keeps it's supplies of hair product safe in order to ensure that his campaign is successful. Again we are sorry for the inconvenience.


* If you are coming to California for the fourth of July Lindsey Lohan gay wedding you will not be allowed to pass through any checkpoints. Might I suggest trying entry from the south. Rumor has it that anyone can make it through just south of San Diego.

p.s. Have a happy Fourth of July. Practice safe fireworks etiquette by keeping sparklers at least three feet from your testicles.