Life Is a Circus.

I find it amazing the weird shit that happens around me. I find this to be especially true when I don't have anything to write about. That is what has happened to me the last few days. First it was dudes in Speedo's and now this. Now I don't know if this stuff is always going on and I'm just oblivious to it. Or, is there some all seeing blog god that is throwing some creative scraps my way.

The following occurred this morning on my way to pray to the coffee gods at the alter of Starbucks. It took less than three minutes.

About five minutes from my house I was approaching the second of three stop lights. Out of the corner of my eye I see a man in a wheel chair on the sidewalk. Normally this wouldn't faze the majority of us. Except in this case the old guy was wearing a complete confederate solider uniform and smoking one of those long hook shaped pipes. "Huh, that's weird" I said out loud to myself. When I stop at the light, I see on the corner, a midget guy (I know. . .little person) holding hands with a fat lady. "WTF? Am I jones-en for coffee or what?" *green arrow* I proceed to make a left turn. Not fifty yards after my turn I see an old Chinese guy sitting cross legged on the side walk. "Holy fucking shit. . .the high school nurse wasn't fucking around when she told us about acid flashbacks happening years later!!!"


I spent the rest of the morning looking for pink elephants and monkeys riding dogs like rodeo horses. Which would have been fucking cool. Because frankly, anything involving monkeys is fucking hilarious!!!

It's right around the corner. . .

"Nuukelur"

Thank god for term limits. Three hundred and twenty some odd days and it's over! This morning there was a headline on Yahoo News that said "Bush fighting for more intelligence in Washington." Fearing that a real serious story existed behind the headline, I chose not to read any farther. I have instead, just enjoyed the headline itself.

Now I'm no political genius. But what other options exist?

This guy?

The war is over, let it go!

This guy? Are you fucking kidding me?

How about. . . . . this guy?

Hey Ralphie Boy. Thanks for the whole seat belt thing. Now, piss off before you fuck us AGAIN!!!!

Oh! I know! This guy? No Rudy your balls aren't that big. Your a politician of circumstance.

Well what about him?
O.K. were getting there. Dude will you please vote on something, anything? Walk it don't just talk it. So far you've got my vote. But take a stance or I'm voting for this guy. . . .

At least he is telling me up front that I'm going to get Dycked!!!

Monkeys, thumbs, and de-evolution.

I like monkeys. I think that monkeys are pretty cool. Over the past two years or so I have been exposed to monkeys more often than the previous several years. Here are some of the reasons; that I feel, being a monkey would be cool.

Reason number one: Sleeping. Monkeys sleep a lot. I would assume it's because they don't have jobs or alarm clocks. I have both and never seem to get enough sleep.

Reason number two: Public ball scratching, public pissing, and public masturbation. I know what you’re going to say “Jake nothing is preventing you from doing that as a person." Your right, but my point is that people have hang ups about these acts and monkeys don't give a fuck!

And finally the third and in my opinion the greatest reason that being a monkey would rule. . . . . you get to throw shit at people when they piss you off or invade you space. Again, "people do that also Jake!" My retort, only if you’re up state doing time in the local penitentiary. Well, I'm not willing to be someone’s cell bitch just so I can enjoy a little turd tossing.

Upon looking at this idea in more depth I actually believe the problem is "opposing digits!" Yes folks we have thumbs, and it's fucked everything up. Track back any human shortcoming or flaw and ultimately you will wind up blaming it on our fucking thumbs. So really, maybe we de-evolved and the monkey's are above us on the evolutionary chain. Now don't get all snippy and pissed at me. Don't pull out the "our brains are bigger and more advance" crap. Watch 5 minutes of any Jerry Springer show or Jim Carey movie and that theory gets shot right the fuck down!
Jake