A Bit Of Honesty.

I was inspired to begin my personal blog after reading one created by an old friend. Prior to embarking on my blogging journey I did quite a bit of reading to learn more about the process and to gain some sort of insight into what makes a successful blog. In my research I found a list of suggestions that one woman had created to help out the new blogger. Although I would love to give her due credit, I have lost both the list and the link to her website.

One of the bullet point suggestions was to NOT use your real name. Her thought was that in order to have a truly honest blog, that is "real", many beginners find it helpful to create a persona or nickname that becomes there blogging identity. Strange really, the idea that you had to somehow be "dishonest" in order to be honest. But I did again see some logic to her idea. In addition she suggested that you tell none of your close friends or relatives until you have established a voice and audience. Again, her theory is that people filter and water down what they write out of fear of what people they know will think or feel. Again, sounds like a great suggestion.

So when I went about creating this blog, I took her advise on several points. I picked a name that fits who I am as a person and in fact gave a clue as to my profession of choice. Not knowing how protective to be of my identity, I had chosen to not come out an reveal what I do for a living. But with yesterdays post I felt it was important (in order properly convey that moment in my life) that I reveal a bit of me. I am a firefighter. The "Branch" is my station and the "Company" is the city I serve.

I have yet to reveal my blog to family and friends. I don't believe that will happen anytime soon. In addition I kind of like the whole Jake thing. Because trust me, my real name is really really generic. As a matter of fact if I was a can of beer, I would just be a plain white can with my first name in bold black letters. (Plus I would be flat and most likely leave a bad taste in your mouth). So please still think of me as Jake, the confused 40 year old fireman from California.

As far as the Grandfather events of the last few days. I have quite a bit to think about before I write about it. I am leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. I will post again on Tuesday.

Take care,

Jake

p.s. She also suggested that you cuss alot. I fucking loved that one!

Really, I'm full of it. . .No, really!!!

Last week another blogger described posting on the weekend. He compared it to being alone in the desert. You're all by yourself. You're walking around in a proverbial circle until you collapse from exhaustion and desperation. What the hell do I write about? What the fuck do I say?

That's where I find myself tonight. I've read other blogs. I've Googled ridicules shit for some off the wall inspiration. Shy of pounding my head on the keyboard, I don't know what else to do. I have spent a great deal of time talking shit. Usually that shit is at other peoples expense. Maybe I should spend some time fucking up my own shit. As you know, I have been talking about teaching. I have been putting quite a bit of thought into this whole thing. As exciting as I have convinced myself that it would be, I have also had my doubts.


Here's the thing, I'm no genius. Now let me elaborate. I'm not saying that I'm some sort of "softhead idiot". I'm smart. I can carry my own in most conversations. I'm just not really "brilliant". I've read some blogs that left me feeling. . . . completely lost. They are smartly written with deep thought provoking content. It makes me want to step away from the computer and go watch re-runs of Beavis and Butthead.

The strange thing is, most people that I know, think I'm some sort of super smart dude. I have common sense and I have a brain filled with; what I consider, useless shit. But the topper is....amazing poker face. To bad I can't play the fucking game! I'd be a millionaire. Anyway, this is where I call bullshit on myself. I can be really phony. Here is an example, I've had conversations where a $10 word gets thrown into the mix. I'll tell you what I don't do. . . . I don't say " excuse me but what is a deuteragonist*"? Rather I'd spout of something like "well he's certainly no deusexmachina**"! So, people have come to think that I am a person endowed with some sort of mental superiority. Fact is, much of the time I'm just full of shit! For fucks sake I didn't know what convoluted meant until about three months ago. Amazing what you can learn by picking up a dictionary!

So, now this whole teaching dilemma. Yes I know my shit when it comes to my job. But the act of teaching seems kind of daunting. Maybe I just fear that some little pencil neck brain-i-ack mother fucker is going to see right through me. Game over! Thanks for playing! That would suck. Is my ego to frail? I'm not really sure.

You know, talking shit about myself isn't as fun as I thought it would be.

Hhhhmmmmmmmmm........


Is it just me, or is this some sort of "Mormon Robert Palmer Video"? These crazy bitches scare the shit out of me!

Aaaahhhhhhhhh....... that feels better.


*&** Yes, I used a dictionary. Thank you Mr. Webster.

Is humor the best medicine? It hurts to laugh.

I love my job. I love the guys I work with. In the last 72 hours, thirteen were underhandedly forced into retirement. I'm devastated. For three days I've seen grown men/friends cry. I've cried. It fucking sucks! So, I need to try to write something humorous to prevent sinking into a real bad place.

Yesterday my wife and I went shopping at the local Whole Foods store. While shopping I came across "Hemp Granola Cereal". I swear to god this shit exists. The box even sports a big pot leaf. I wonder; if you’re not hungry, can you roll it and smoke it?

Because I was having such a shitty day, my wife surprised me. When we got home from shopping, she made up a steaming hot bath for me to soak in and have a beer. While at the store she had picked up some foo foo aroma therapy bath salts. So as I'm soaking in the tub having a brew, I found myself reading the salt container. Would you believe they advertise it as "organic salt"? WTF!!!! O.K. organic beef . . . no additives, I get it. Organic milk . . . no additives, I get it. Organic veggies. . . .I fucking get it. But what the hell is organic salt? Are you fucking kidding me? What, does the salt farmer not put steroids and hormones in the god damned dirt? I'm starting to think "organic" is French for "your an idiot, give me your money"!

Talk to you later.
Jake

Write.

Writing is something that I really enjoy. I have tried to write; on and off, for many years. But being a consistent writer has proven to be difficult. I often times don't know what to write or how I should write. What is my voice or passion? Where do I start? What do I know? Am I full of shit? Recently I discovered that A friend from the past had a blog. I have enjoyed just lurking, reading, and following what has been going on in his life. It occurred to me that having a blog would be a great format to get my writing off of the ground. But alas I am still faced with the same questions of what, when, why, how, etc. . . So I have been reading a creative writing book that takes you through daily steps and lessons to harness the writer that apparently resides in all of us. It helps. I know that I still have a lot to learn, but it's a start. I feel that as long as I can post/write at least five to six times per week, I'm bound to get better.
Jake