Steve Jobs Ruined Me!!!

Can you please help me out? How have I arrived at this point and place in my life? Gone are the days of rampant underachieving and gross apathy. How I long for lazy Wednesday afternoons where I can contemplate excuses for my lackluster existence. I have an idea as to the cause of my dilemma.

Fuck you Apple Evangelists!!! Your creations of brilliance have ended one mans dreams of an aimless existence. You were not happy with bringing home computing to the masses. You targeted the young and old with catch phrases like plug and play, drag and drop, spring loaded, and what you see is what you get!!! You Bastards!!! You ensnared us all with a magic box that holds 8,000,000,000,000 songs! Was it enough? No I say, no it was not! You have exposed me to a poison worse than crack....



Because of you, I now know. . .

1. who
2. what
3. why
4. when
5. where
6. how
7. how come
8. how much
9. the repercussions if I do
10. the repercussions if I don't
11. the cost
12. the length
13. the width
14. the girth
15. Triple E
16. Double D
17. Quantity
    
18. Quality
19. Essence
20. Existence
    
21. Terms
22. Definitions
23. Decimals
    
24. Fractions
25. Factions
26. Actions
27. Auctions
28. Do's
    
29. Dont's
30. Wills
31. Wont's
    
32. and how to say Fuck in French.

So to all you selfish, no good, rotten bastards at Apple. . .

Futuere' !!!

Jake

Gadget Guy

I have come to realize that in the last few years I have become a Technology Whore.

There was a period in my life when the title "Minimalist", fit me perfectly. I had a 19" TV with a wire hanger/tinfoil antenna. I did not own a VCR or a video game console. I slept on a futon in a studio apartment. I had a decent home stereo that sat on top of a simple wooden box. I did not own a car stereo, cell phone, or watch. Home computers were not common household fixtures. It was the early nineties and life was pleasantly simple.

Life as I know it now, would be a bitch without. . .

My computer
The Internet and email
My iphone
A big ass flat screen DLP television
NFL Sunday Ticket
TIVO
Remote Controls
A Gas Fireplace
My ipod
A Dishwasher
The Rabbit Wine Opener
Over sized heads on golf clubs and draw technology
Lightweight snowboarding equipment
Fleece
Nose hair trimmers
ETC..........

The list is endless.

The talking heads were onto something when they asked "well how did I get here?" That is how I feel sometimes when I look at all of the shit that is considered "essential."

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

Jake