Friday, February 1, 2008

Spam heros.

Today alone, 79 emails arrived in my bulk emailbox. Looking through them I learned ten very important things about myself. Let me share them with you.

1. My penis is too small.

2. My penis no longer gets hard.

3. I suffer a great deal of pain.

4. I cum to fast.

5. There is an online pharmacy that will take care of numbers 1-4. (No physical required!!!)

6. I need a new watch and apparently a replica will do just fine.

7. My shoes aren't worth a shit, but never fear because Johnny Arelene can get me new designer ones for 60% off. Thanks Johnny!!!

8. There are aggressive stock traders hunting me down and I should beware.

9. My mortgage sucks.

10. Nembe'; a close friend in Africa that I wasn't aware of, wants to share a $100,000 inheritance with me if I pay a $100 transfer fee for him.

I love the internet. Where would I be in life if all of these fine individuals weren’t looking out for me?

3 Beer Farts:

The Ex said...

I heart the ones about learning to satisfy your girlfriend. I forward them to my boyfriend.

The Bizza said...

My favorite ones are from "Jessica" or "Mandy".

I'd be thinking, "Jessica? The woman I had the one-niter with 5 years ago?" Or, "Mandy? The girl who winked at me in the supermarket checkout? How did she get my email?"

But then I open them and it's an add to switch my insurance.


Jake Titus said...

Ex: That's low. Funny yes, but low none the less. Hey that rhymed. I'm a poet and don't even know it.

Bizza: I thinks Jessica gave Mandy your email address. They must have met at the Geico swinging singles new years extravaganza.