Monday, February 11, 2008

"Father Flannigan I can't practice today, I forgot my shorts."

Let me preface this post with "I was born into the catholic faith". Yet, I feel Catholicism is kind of a funny (not ha ha, but strange) thing. Your hear people say “I’m a practicing catholic”. What the hell does that mean? I interpret practicing as “oops I fucked up, let me try that again!”, “shit I did it again, father forgive me.” “Mother Mary full of grace please forgive me for jerkin’ off to mamasgotmelons.com, I’ll never do it again.” I mean really, most all of the Catholics I know break the friggen' rules everyday, intentionally, and without guilt (until Sunday rolls around). I guess they aren’t lying when they says it’s just PRACTICE. Queue the Allen Iverson press conference. “We’re talking about practice!” Sorry, I digress. Shouldn't they be saying “I’m Catholic and I’m on my game?"Shit, I don’t know where the hell I’m going with this! I’ve read two recent posts on other blogs that bring up lent.

http://exeverything.blogspot.com/2008/02/hast-thou-not-poured-me-out-as-milk-and.html

http://sassyblondie.blogspot.com/2008/02/givin-it-up.html

Since I don’t practice Catholicism and don’t consider myself to be in the “game”, I can’t really relate to the rules/traditions of it all and this “giving up” stuff. But, for the sake of this post and the spirit of lent, I will make the following promise to "give up".

I promise to give up the following habits while sitting in church.

1. Smoking a Cohiba.
2. Drinking Patron straight from the bottle. Even though mixing it is a sin!
3. Reading Dan Brown books.
4. Visiting mamasgotmelons.com on my iphone.
5. Singing a hymns that starts with "duck duck bo buck banana fanna foe. . . ."
6. Asking people next to me if catholic girls are really that bad.

But only for forty days. . . . . . . .
Jake

2 Beer Farts:

Tyler Durden said...

HEEEEY!!! mamasgotmelons.com is not a real site! sneeeaky, sneaky...

Jake Titus said...

Shhhh, don't tell Father Flannigan!