Last week another blogger described posting on the weekend. He compared it to being alone in the desert. You're all by yourself. You're walking around in a proverbial circle until you collapse from exhaustion and desperation. What the hell do I write about? What the fuck do I say?
That's where I find myself tonight. I've read other blogs. I've Googled ridicules shit for some off the wall inspiration. Shy of pounding my head on the keyboard, I don't know what else to do. I have spent a great deal of time talking shit. Usually that shit is at other peoples expense. Maybe I should spend some time fucking up my own shit. As you know, I have been talking about teaching. I have been putting quite a bit of thought into this whole thing. As exciting as I have convinced myself that it would be, I have also had my doubts.
Here's the thing, I'm no genius. Now let me elaborate. I'm not saying that I'm some sort of "softhead idiot". I'm smart. I can carry my own in most conversations. I'm just not really "brilliant". I've read some blogs that left me feeling. . . . completely lost. They are smartly written with deep thought provoking content. It makes me want to step away from the computer and go watch re-runs of Beavis and Butthead.
The strange thing is, most people that I know, think I'm some sort of super smart dude. I have common sense and I have a brain filled with; what I consider, useless shit. But the topper is....amazing poker face. To bad I can't play the fucking game! I'd be a millionaire. Anyway, this is where I call bullshit on myself. I can be really phony. Here is an example, I've had conversations where a $10 word gets thrown into the mix. I'll tell you what I don't do. . . . I don't say " excuse me but what is a deuteragonist*"? Rather I'd spout of something like "well he's certainly no deusexmachina**"! So, people have come to think that I am a person endowed with some sort of mental superiority. Fact is, much of the time I'm just full of shit! For fucks sake I didn't know what convoluted meant until about three months ago. Amazing what you can learn by picking up a dictionary!So, now this whole teaching dilemma. Yes I know my shit when it comes to my job. But the act of teaching seems kind of daunting. Maybe I just fear that some little pencil neck brain-i-ack mother fucker is going to see right through me. Game over! Thanks for playing! That would suck. Is my ego to frail? I'm not really sure.
You know, talking shit about myself isn't as fun as I thought it would be.
Hhhhmmmmmmmmm........
Is it just me, or is this some sort of "Mormon Robert Palmer Video"? These crazy bitches scare the shit out of me!Aaaahhhhhhhhh....... that feels better.
*&** Yes, I used a dictionary. Thank you Mr. Webster.
7 Beer Farts:
Self-doubt erodes the path to victory. But then again, so does overconfidence.
I do that same thing that you do... the one-upper, vocab thing. In fact, I think I might have invented that term, "one-upper". I used it in a convo with my work friend and mentor years ago, and I'm sure I hadn't read it anywhere else. Fuck it... I'm claiming ownership... but you can use it if you like.
Anyway... It's nly natural to have doubts when you're making moves beyond your comfort zone. I don't know you, nor do I know much about anything, but my wild-assed unscientific, shoot from the hip gut-check guess tells me you'll be aight.
As for blogging, I have one more unsolicited piece of advice; just stay true to yourself, and you'll be surprised how easily shit flows. Perhaps that's a bad metaphor.
Fuck it. I talk too much.
I'm sayin, don't sweat it. You seem like an alright guy, you'll be aight.
"Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears". ~Arthur Koestler
Or some deep thinking, profound meditating, bull shit to think about.
I'd say I'm faking my way through life 80% of the time. The bad thing about it is that I don't know when to stop. Try and guess what my response would be to the following questions...
1) "OMG! THE PILOT IS DEAD! CAN ANYBODY FLY THIS PLANE?"
2) "Heaven help us, the nuclear reactor is entering meltdown... does anybody know how to stop it?"
3) "This man needs a brain operation immediately or he's going to die! Is anybody here a neurosurgeon?"
OH MY MORMON GOD!
"Morman Robert Palmer Video" cracked me up bigtime! I know people use LOL, but that simply does not convey how hard I laughed at that one.
I can tell you one thing, they speak like Fembots. Actually, they sound more like Stephen Hawking's translator system.
And jake, you may not feel like a brilliant genius, but I must say, your writing is riddled with brilliance--it is humorous, intelligent and thought provoking...
Your constructive introspection in an effort to figure out what in the hell is going on in your brain speaks volumes to the kind of brilliant individual you are.
Useless trivia can make others feel comfortable and at ease, and more often than not, the trivia is not useless in the least; yes, even if it's about the number of 4 leaf clovers that spring each year.
From what I have interpreted through your writing, I have seen the common sense, humor, sincerity, real-life experience AND solicitude of an individual who has a wealth of knowledge that he can share with and offer others--you would be a fantastic teacher!
Don't let your fears paralyze your goals.
jenji<--not one to blow smoke up someone's ass unless she really means it
Bizza: One upper, thats nothing. Let me tell you something. I'm a two upper. I'll hit you with two things that trump a story just to take away your one-upping rebutal. Thanks for the input. Keep talkin' brudda!
Lifer: Arthur Koestler was certainly no deusexmachina.
Dave:
1: "Last time I had lunch with my buddy Chuck Yeger we talked about this very situation. Step aside, I've got this under control!"
2:"Cut the blue wire!"
3:"No, but I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night...anyone have a pocket knife, a ball point pen, and two sticks of Wrigleys Gum?"
Jenji: Thanks for the encouragment. BTW the four leaf clover thing...by my calculations there are 4612 so far this year. But let me add, with global warming I predict an increase in annual growth of 4.25%.
More than anything, I think you need passion in order to be a teacher. I doubt that your level of intelligence would be an issue. If you want to be a teacher, go for it, man!
This is the age of the internet: Knowing what you're talking about is so last century.
Sounding like you know what you're talking about is where it's at nowadays.
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