Steve Jobs Ruined Me!!!

Can you please help me out? How have I arrived at this point and place in my life? Gone are the days of rampant underachieving and gross apathy. How I long for lazy Wednesday afternoons where I can contemplate excuses for my lackluster existence. I have an idea as to the cause of my dilemma.

Fuck you Apple Evangelists!!! Your creations of brilliance have ended one mans dreams of an aimless existence. You were not happy with bringing home computing to the masses. You targeted the young and old with catch phrases like plug and play, drag and drop, spring loaded, and what you see is what you get!!! You Bastards!!! You ensnared us all with a magic box that holds 8,000,000,000,000 songs! Was it enough? No I say, no it was not! You have exposed me to a poison worse than crack....



Because of you, I now know. . .

1. who
2. what
3. why
4. when
5. where
6. how
7. how come
8. how much
9. the repercussions if I do
10. the repercussions if I don't
11. the cost
12. the length
13. the width
14. the girth
15. Triple E
16. Double D
17. Quantity
    
18. Quality
19. Essence
20. Existence
    
21. Terms
22. Definitions
23. Decimals
    
24. Fractions
25. Factions
26. Actions
27. Auctions
28. Do's
    
29. Dont's
30. Wills
31. Wont's
    
32. and how to say Fuck in French.

So to all you selfish, no good, rotten bastards at Apple. . .

Futuere' !!!

Jake