Week From Hell II

stand by.......

Happy "OK" Friday

Good Friday, is the Friday preceding Easter Sunday. It commemorates the crucifixion and death of Jesus at Calvary. Apparently, that is today. I have to ask the question. What's so good about it? If your Catholic and need to recognize that date that your "saviour" was murdered, why for fucks sake would you call it "good"? I mean really shouldn't it be "not so good Friday" or "this sucks Friday"? What half witted apostle or convertee said "Hey!!!! It's Friday, the weather is great, the Romans haven't fucked with me today, and Jesus is dead. Shit two out of three ain't bad. All in all it's a pretty good Friday.

Frankly, the title is a bit out dated. Personally I think most Fridays are good. Hell, if the holidays fall right and create a three or four day weekend, then you have a good Thursday and or good Monday. Come to think of it, I was in Vegas once and had a good Wednesday. . . .but that's another story.

So before I get to far off track, here's my thought.

"Pope guy, you need to make a few changes within your organization. Name your days more accurately".

1. Don't eat meat day


2. Get a spot on your head day


3. Give up something you like week


4. Find the egg day


5. Give shit away day


6. Miss football day

Be honest, call it like it is. Once you get that done we can work on your N.M.B.L.A problem. Until then, best of luck. Excuse me, I have a rib eye to cook. . .

Jake

Shock and. . . . .Awe Shit!!!

It's been five years. As you can imagine my new co-workers hold a much different opinion of this war than I do.

Which is really kind of funny when I think about it. I am the only liberal at the new "Branch". I am the only individual opposed to this whole fucking fiasco. But when we were all younger and. . .

They were doing this. . .

I was doing this.

It's so ironic that many of the folks that are pro-war, never wore a uniform in defense of this country. Although they would never admit it, they feel that kids from here should fight this war.

Not kids from here.

Five years ago under, the false guise of weapons of mass destruction, he led us into a terrible conflict that the world may never recover from. He talked of the tyrant that oppressed, maimed, and killed his people. But even removing him from power hasn't ended the conflict.

Was it really about him?

Was it really about these?

No, I think it was about this. . .

So folks, if you really care about this country, our troops, and being true patriots then quit driving these. . .

Which will reduce your need to go here. . .

And maybe, just maybe. . .

Well all get to see more of this.


PEACE!!!

This is not good!!!

Welcome to my little version of HELL. So a few days ago I posted about my unwanted move to a new "Branch" at the "Company." I used words like "optimism" and "positive" to describe how I was choosing to handle it. Well, fuck that!!! I have two new co-workers. They are Bucky and Gordo. To be kind I'll just say "they think differently than I do".

So my first warning as to what was in store for me at the new diggs came in the parking lot. There were big trucks sporting large latex bull testicles at the trailer hitch. I can only imagine why they have gun racks. Both trucks had empty Budweiser cans in the bed. Somehow I don't see these guys as being big recyclers.
Most everyone at the "Company" arrives about twenty minutes early to chat, read the paper, have coffee, watch the news, etc. . . I kid you not, they BOTH had G.W.B coffee cups!!!!! AAAGGGHHHHHH please kill me now!!!!!!!
So, while we're having coffee in the break room, this is on the television. ENOUGH SAID!!!!!!
In the can (men's room), there were two magazines. Bowhunter and the NRA monthly. With names like Gordo and Bucky what can you expect. The gun racks in the trucks are starting to make sense at this point.

I wish I could get a shot of the photo Bucky has on his desk. It's similar to this one accept they are in the rose garden at the White House. The message at the bottom thanks him for his support. I am in fucking deep shit!!! Who the hell did I piss off? Maybe it was that letter I sent to then "Texas Governor" Bush asking why Tom Landry was a hero and two dead Houston firefighters were not.
This is my hell!

(p.s. aren't the Morans all living in Utah hanging out with their wives?)

Please send good vibes my way. . .

Jake

Good Job!!!

"Yes, my dick is this big."

What the hell was Eliot Spitzer thinking?

Well, OK. . .I know what he was thinking. . .

I imagine their first meeting went something like this. . .

Spitzer: Your very beautiful, what's your name?

Dupre: Alexandra

Spitzer: Well Alexandra, would you have sex with me for say. . . .a million dollars?

Dupre: Well of course I would.

Spitzer: Great, let's go! (handing her a $5.00 spot)

Dupre: What's this? (taking said $5.00 spot)

Spitzer: I'm paying you to have sex with me.

Dupre: Five dollars, what kind of girl do you think I am?

Spitzer: Well I think that we have already determined that, now we're just negotiating the price.

I mean really, $4000?????? Dude, you're an idiot. And to drag your poor wife up to the podium for your little "press conference." WEEAAKKK. I have all the sympathies for your family. Hell, I don't even blame Ms. Dupre' for all of this B.S. The folks in New Jersey are much better off. If it turns out that you paying for your little sex-capades out of the state coffers, they should lock you up!

Sorry if this is a little harsh. But with the current condition of our country and the economy, leaders should be held to a higher standard. Homes are foreclosing at an alarming rate and this guys is buying $4k poon. WTF!!! Hey dickwad! Does "glass houses and stones" ring a bell?

Step off before I go off!!!

Well it's day one at the new "Branch". So far so good. The new co-workers were fairly welcoming this morning. Although I did get the "this is how we do it here" speech. The knuckle head that was here before has not taken any of his shit away yet. Kind of hard to get settled when all of my shit is still in boxes in my car. So I'm realizing that I have one of two paths to choose from. First, I can wallow in my misery and hate each day here. Option number two is to attempt optimism and wait out my time until a transfer becomes available. Against my better judgement I've chosen number two. I hope It's the right decision *crossed fingers*. So I'm going to give it a few weeks before I start ranting.

That being said, let's move on. . .

Yesterday I stopped at the grocery store to shop for dinner. It was not a huge shopping excursion just enough that I used a hand held basket. At the check out counter they have a small shelf for customers to place the plastic basket when it is there turn. So as is common practice when it's my turn to have my groceries rung up, I place my basket on the shelf. That's when it happens. This lady behind me is a total space invader. For fucks sake lady can you get any closer to me? Will you check my prostate while your up my ass? Why do people do this? I'm at the little counter where people can write a check or do whatever, and she is 10" to my right. That's no exaggeration!!!! This isn't the first time either. I'm noticing this more often. People are in such a damn rush that they are trying to push the rest of us along at their pace. Slow down people!!!! Back the fuck up!!! I shop at my pace, I drive at my pace, and I use the ATM at my frigging pace.

O.K. that feels better. . .

Jake

Pack Yo Shit!!!

The down-sizing continues. Over the last few weeks I talked about the "Company" down-sizing. Two "Branches" closed there doors last Thursday. As a result, people with more seniority than I have been sent out to the remaining "Branches". Subsequently I have been displaced from my "Branch" and am being sent to a "Branch" that I am not that fond of. It sucks, but there is nothing that can be done. Tomorrow is my last day at my current "Branch" and begin working at the new one on Thursday morning. It's weird having to pack all of my stuff into numerous brown file boxes and milk crates. I've had to clean out two lockers and a "cubby" in the kitchen. The carcase isn't even cold and my replacement his frothing at the mouth to move his shit in. I'll be working with a new group of people serving a district that I have had only limited dealings with over the last ten years. I'm doing my best to remain optimistic and make the most of a situation I cannot control. Life is chaotic right now. But considering everything going on across the country, I guess I'm not alone.
Jake

You Go Barack!!!

I saw this last night and it cracked me up!!!

Kind of like Linda Blair. . . .

The profession I love and the life I live have taken their toll. I won't bore you with the list of my injuries. But venture to say between work, travel, snowboarding, and wreckless debauchery, my body has been beat up pretty bad. I'm not complaining at all. I have had a wonderful life and do not intend to slow down. Three years ago I sustained a pretty significant head and neck injury at work. Since that time I have had headaches and neck pain almost daily. As I said, I don't intend to slow down. Traditional treatments have not worked. Traditional medicines have not worked. Last year they diagnosed be with degenerative spinal arthritis. The doctors say I have to give up some of what I love. I don't think I'm ready for that. I quit going to the doctor and quit taking all of their damn pills. Two weeks ago I started seeing a Chiropractor. I'm not sure if it is helping, but I'm being patient. My first visit with him fucking freaked me out. I was sitting in a high backed chair and he was behind me. He had my head in his hands and was slowly rocking my head in a round and round, side to side kind of way. We were bullshitting about useless shit when; without warning, he snaps my head to the left!!!!! I swear to god it sounded like a fucking water buffalo fell into a dumpster full of Doritos. He kind of laughed and said "Oh sorry, I should have warned you. The popping noises can be kind of loud." I replied "No shit? Ya think?" After nearly twisting my head off too the right side, I went home. I have to say, I had a good three days of no pain. I have gone back again with similar results. I am due to go back again on Monday morning. I feel like a crack addict looking for a fix! I hope this doesn't become a "must have" life long answer. I'm considering other options as well. I may look at acupuncture, acupressure, or maybe even 420 therapies. Who knows?

Breathe Jake, Breathe.

I have a million ideas and thoughts spinning around inside my head right now. I'm thinking about so much stuff that it's hard to concentrate. It feels like there are huge speakers on each side of my head. Each one is blasting random shit at 800 decibels.

It's amazing that even with everything I have on my plate and my mind, I have nothing to really write about. I've combed the news, read lists of posting ideas, and lurked around others blogs for a good part of the day. It hasn't helped.

I wanted to write about Brett Favre, Patrick Swayze, and John Ritter but honestly I don't have it in me at the moment.

Each day I grow more frustrated and angry with how bad the economy is. Peoples lives are falling apart and we have a fuckstick in office that didn't know gas will soon cost $4.00 a gallon.

The elderly; many of whom don't understand how a calculator or computer works, are expected to navigate their way through our broken medical system. The new medicare drugs program is so confusing and ineffective it should be tossed out (along with Bush-fuck)

This week there have been multiple incidents around the country where young college women have been brutally murdered. Bombs are exploding in time square. We are still fighting a war for no apparent reason. People are dying!!!! What the fuck is going on?

I wanted to choke this fucking bitch that works at the local grocery store. I hate being in her line and will usually avoid it. Yesterday she was tending the 10 items or less line and I was in a hurry. She always has this phony plastic I'm better than you smile on her fucking face. It makes me want to punch her. She also wears this gold cross necklace outside her top/shirt/sweater for everyone to see. So, I'm in her line at the counter. Outside there is a homeless person with a cardboard sign asking for help. Any compassion from cunt face? Hell friggen no. She says "what a loser. He's probably on drugs you know? He should go get a job!" Now if you have read my previous post (http://jaketitus.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-bad.html) you know how I feel about this. With this economy wouldn't it be fitting to see her heartless ass out there, next week, asking for a small amount of kindness or understanding from someone?

Jake

The Week From Hell

I am experiencing the worst week that I can remember.

1. I was forced to take a 6.5% pay cut at work.


2. The "Company" is closing two "Branch's" which is forcing me to transfer to a "Branch" I dislike.


3. The "Company" is threatening to go belly up.


4. My daughters mom is taking me back to court for more child support.


5. We have to move Grandma from the assisted living center to our house by weeks end.


6. I'm functioning on about 8 hours sleep over the last three days.


7. I got so drunk on Saturday that I still feel hungover today.


8. Two years ago my rental property was valued at $640k. Today it's value was estimated at only $400k.


9. George Bush is still president.


10. All of this is taking it's toll on me and Mrs. Titus. We have been arguing for a good part of the last three days. . . . . straight!!!